It's Riding in Planes and Encountering Undesirable Men That Challenges My Belief in the Sovereignty of God

Recently, I have come to the humbling and somewhat sad realization that I don't fully trust in the sovereignty of God. The evidence that gave away my lowly view of Him was anger, sadness and a slow simmer of self-pity. (Do cooking analogies work with deep spiritual things? I'm not sure, but I just gave it a shot.) What I have come to realize is that God is indeed sovereign. There are heroes in my life who live this out in the face of what most of us would view as tragedies.

A young woman I know was raped. When we cry together about this, she mostly talks about how much God has met her, how deeply she clings to the LORD, and her confidence in the fact that God will use her story to bless others. She is an inspiration in my life.

A couple who was preparing to have their first baby, grieved her death hours after her birth. They actually tell people that they don't view her death as a horrible or awful thing. But they rest in the fact that God is good and sovereign. In their grief, they trust that God will use their story to impact and bless others. Their baby died only a month before the young woman was raped.

Upon hearing the news of the baby's death, the young woman cried out to God in anger and sadness and asked that He would help her to know His goodness and sovereignty. She pondered these things for several weeks before the unthinkable happened to her. Not knowing that she would soon be taken advantage of, God prepared her, braced her, and girded her heart with truth that has saved her from despair. Is not God the only one who could orchestrate those events?

Certain recent events in my life left me saying, "LORD, You are so committed to my growth that you would allow these things to happen." (This is where airplanes and undesirable men come in.) When a woman sees a man from her past, there is weirdness. In my most recent encounters, I felt mostly anger and disbelief mixed with a little sheepishness. To put it plainly, I felt like a fool and it made me mad.

In 5 days time, I saw two men from my past as well as heard a talk on contentment at a women's breakfast. I happened to see one of the men on the same day as the contentment talk. It was truly a test of my faith and my character. It tested my trust in God and my belief in His sovereignty, because there was no explanation behind life at that point. I was challenged to believe what is true and not just give in to my emotions.

I have chosen to offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the LORD instead of complaining. I have chosen to claim truth in the face of the lies I believe about God and myself. And ya know what? It makes it much easier to not freak out when you have to de-plane because of leaking hydraulic fluid on a connection in Las Vegas; it makes it not that big of a deal when your body-wash ends up on everything else in your luggage; and there's no need to be irritable when your flight gets delayed because God is in control. God is good. And God is for me.