My daily routine of applying makeup and blow-drying my hair is a built in "thinking time." One morning a few weeks ago, the LORD stepped into that time with me and began to guide my thoughts. I had an idea. Which was scary but amazing and that's how I know it was from God. "What if I had a Bible study where I could create a safe place for college women to talk about the things that women struggle with but that no one seems to talk about?" I have a story to tell, one that God has orchestrated and one that I have, at times, been ashamed to tell. The day has come that I am finally going to be using my life to deeply usher others into healing and growth and freedom.
Today I discovered that I have the support of my staff team. And in that, I felt protected. Took by surprise in our staff meeting, my director Mike began to ask me questions in front of the team about the "experimental Bible study" that has been on the tip of my heart. He asked me to share my thoughts and ideas, the outcomes I am praying for, as well as the format. I knew a few weeks ago that this Bible study was going to be a big deal for me. Today when my team prayed for me and when my director announced, "we will need to pray for Emily's protection from the evil one as well as for the women who will be in this study," I realized that it's more important than I thought.
The privilege I have to walk into deep waters with young women is one that cannot possibly be assigned a value.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Plugging My Ears
Chaos makes me furrow my brow. Tragedy, even in view of God’s divine plan, makes me cry. The inexplicable nature of evil within a person confuses me. When a young man gets to a place in his life that he chooses to shoot down strangers in a place previously recognized as safe and fun - a shopping mall, it is a shock to a community and to a nation. I wonder if he questioned himself. I wonder what went through his mind that convinced him to follow through. What events and disappointments trigger such deep pain? What was kept under the surface and untouched by the light of healing and redemption and for how long? The poor sweet people in Omaha are left with all kinds of unanswerable questions. The innocence of the Midwest has been compromised.
Do we, can we believe that God is perfectly in control of things like this? The truth is, God made this young man; He knit him together in his mother’s womb with wisdom and intricacy. He also numbered his days as well as the others who died yesterday.
The chaos and confusion come when you think about the innocence of those involved. The tragic reality is that our sin always involves others. When someone is sinned against there is opportunity to respond sinfully to it. We get angry, we get bitter, we blame others, we are ruled by shame, paralyzed by fear. And then we sin against someone else who then has the opportunity to respond sinfully as well. It’s a devastating cycle and it never touches just one person.
These are some of the thoughts that ran through my mind as my family sat down for a matinee at 2:20 on December 5, 2007. My mom got a phone call from my aunt, who we had just eaten lunch with. She was on her way into Von Mar when two women ran out screaming and crying, “DON’T go in there! There’s a guy with a gun shooting people!” Simultaneously, a preview came on the screen for a movie about an investigation for a mysterious shooting. The irony was disturbing. The following preview was even more disturbing, video footage from a killer documenting his disastrous choices and evil against other people. Sitting in the 6th row, somewhere near the middle with my eyes tightly shut and plugging my ears I could still hear the sounds of screams of this awful preview. It was a little too real that day.
Later that day, as the soapy brushes washed clean the dirt from my dad’s pick-up, we listened to the radio reports about what information they were able to uncover at that point. It’s almost senseless for me to write about something that makes me speechless....
Do we, can we believe that God is perfectly in control of things like this? The truth is, God made this young man; He knit him together in his mother’s womb with wisdom and intricacy. He also numbered his days as well as the others who died yesterday.
The chaos and confusion come when you think about the innocence of those involved. The tragic reality is that our sin always involves others. When someone is sinned against there is opportunity to respond sinfully to it. We get angry, we get bitter, we blame others, we are ruled by shame, paralyzed by fear. And then we sin against someone else who then has the opportunity to respond sinfully as well. It’s a devastating cycle and it never touches just one person.
These are some of the thoughts that ran through my mind as my family sat down for a matinee at 2:20 on December 5, 2007. My mom got a phone call from my aunt, who we had just eaten lunch with. She was on her way into Von Mar when two women ran out screaming and crying, “DON’T go in there! There’s a guy with a gun shooting people!” Simultaneously, a preview came on the screen for a movie about an investigation for a mysterious shooting. The irony was disturbing. The following preview was even more disturbing, video footage from a killer documenting his disastrous choices and evil against other people. Sitting in the 6th row, somewhere near the middle with my eyes tightly shut and plugging my ears I could still hear the sounds of screams of this awful preview. It was a little too real that day.
Later that day, as the soapy brushes washed clean the dirt from my dad’s pick-up, we listened to the radio reports about what information they were able to uncover at that point. It’s almost senseless for me to write about something that makes me speechless....
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