Feeling Ill Prepared

Daniel and I were up until 2 am talking and crying and praying about our hearts, fears, confusions, hopes, disappointments and many more things related to our future ministry, life in Wetaskiwin, and the dynamics of our own relationship. I have never felt so unprepared for ministry as I do right now. I knew, in sort of a far off, intellectual way, that ministry to First Nations would be hard. But being here for 12 days now has opened my eyes to just exactly how hard and why. This may sound like I don't want to do it, or that it's awful, or that I'm being dramatic, but that's not where my heart is. I am simply being realistic about the difficulty that lies before us. It is quite humbling to have worked with The Navigators and received some of the best ministry training there is out there over the course of four years, and then to attend Covenant Seminary where the teaching and community is incredibly solid, and then to come here and feel like everything that I've learned doesn't work here. Or at least I don't know how to integrate it all yet. (Hello, I've only been here for 12 days.)

It has felt like any idea I have had so far to connect with the women, or reach out to those who stay at home all day long, has fallen flat. Because the ideas that have worked with college students and with white women just aren't the right ideas for this setting and for these women. The idea of waiting for an open door is so essential in this ministry and if you force your way in you can actually get hurt here. Jean and I were hoping to make a second visit to a woman's home we went to earlier this week. When we walked into her kitchen she (who is around 85) and a few of her family members were doing a little Medicine ceremony at the kitchen table and we bopped in all friendly and Christian (and I, clueless). When we asked another older woman who is a Believer if she would come back with us to help translate, she said no. She also told us that we need to be careful to not force our way into a home like that because they could hurt us and we wouldn't even know it.

I have concerns and fears as well as joy and curiosity about living in a town with a population of 11-12,000. Who will our friends be? How will we find community here? There's also something simple about living in a small town. It's actually something I haven't experienced. I grew up in the country 15 min outside of a town big enough to have shopping and doctors and all the things you need in life. And then I've lived in big cities since then. (Even my college town had like 36-38,000 people in it.)

Please pray....

• For DH and I to be blessed with "bosom friends" - people who we could both laugh so hard with we cry and then in the same interaction be able to talk about how we are growing in the Lord
• Pray for a group of godly women for me and for a group of god fearing men for Daniel
• For a team of 8 people to be here with us when we come. That means we need 5 other people to join us. Please plead with the Lord - the harvest is ripe but the laborers are few.
• For unity and sweet connectedness in DH and my relationship - we still have much to learn about one another and my prayer is that God will unify our hearts even more than He has as we continue to grow together, learn more about one another, and prepare for ministry

PS - the bright yellow Canola fields and the HUGE skies with glorious billow-y clouds are my favorite things here so far. Every day, I either think or say, "AH!! Look at those clouds!!!"